Resources
For Later-in-Life Lesbians+
Support
Galop UK
LGBTQ+ anti-abuse and violence charity for those experiencing domestic abuse, hate crime, and conversion therapy. galop.org.uk
Pink Therapy
UK’s largest independent directory of qualified LGBTQ+ and gender-diversity affirmative therapists and psychotherapists. pinktherapy.com
Women’s Aid
National UK charity working to end domestic abuse against women and children, providing services and refuge support. womensaid.org.uk
Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline
Confidential helpline for the LGBTQ+ community. Freephone: 0800 0119 100 & Online Chat. switchboard.lgbt
LGBT Foundation
(National Helpline) UK – advice, mental health support, and a dedicated helpline for LGBT+ adults. Phone: 0345 3 30 30 30 lgbt.foundation
LGBT Health and Wellbeing Scotland
National helpline support, community mapping, and identity validation for LGBTQ+ adults and those coming out later in life. Phone 0300 123 2523. lgbthealth.org.uk
MindOut (LGBTQ+ Mental Health Project)
Independent mental health service run by and for LGBTQ+ people. National online instant-message support service. mindout.org.uk
The LGBT National Help Center
(USA National Lines) Phone Number: +1 888 843 4564 (Main Line) | +1 800 246 7743 (Coming Out Line). lgbthotline.org
Midlife Identity & Therapeutic Specialist
Miriam Grace (UK): Registered Relational Gestalt Psychotherapist and clinical supervisor. Provides specialised therapeutic support, workshops, training and clinical supervision focusing on the flourishing of midlife identity.
miriamgrace.uk
Coming Out Specialist
Anne-Marie Zanzal (US/Global Connection): A prominent coach, and community builder specialising exclusively in supporting women navigating later-in-life queer awakenings and dismantling heteronormative scripts.
annemariezanzal.com
Author, Researcher, Comedian
Rosie Wilby:
Rosie and Miriam collaborate on running workshops about lesbian+ relationships, sex and breakups.
Groups
The Consortium (LGBT+ Member Directory)
UK’s largest network of LGBT+ groups. Public search directory. consortium.lgbt/member-directory
Verified Regional US & Canadian Community Hubs
Qmunity (Canada – Western Hub) qmunity.ca
The Conscious Girlfriend Academy (USA/Global) consciousgirlfriendacademy.com
Facebook Groups
Authentically Us – Anne-Marie Zanzal annemariezanzal.com
Courses
Books & Articles
Independent Bookshop Partners
Two trailblazing queer and intersectional independent bookshops. Please support these vital community hubs by ordering your books directly through them:
Juno Books (Sheffield)
My beloved local independent bookshop, specialising in intersectional feminism, queer literature, and community-centred writing.
Juno Books is a fierce champion of diverse voices in Yorkshire, they were on site at the 2025 Women with Women Conference and they will be hosting our official local Northern book launch.
Visit Juno Books Online: junobooks.co.uk
Gay’s The Word (London)
The UK’s oldest and most iconic LGBTQ+ specialist bookshop. Established in 1979, this legendary Bloomsbury institution has spent decades providing a safe haven, a radical resource centre, and an authentic community space for queer literature.
Visit Gay’s The Word: gaystheword.co.uk
Queering Gestalt Therapy:
An Anthology on Gender, Sex & Relationship Diversity in Psychotherapy
Reading List for Women Coming Out Later in Life
Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence (1980) by Adrienne Rich (Signs / Onlywomen Press)
The absolute foundational bedrock of sapphic theory. Rich beautifully maps the “lesbian continuum,” validating that choosing to anchor your emotional, political, and romantic life with women is a sovereign act of liberation independent of patriarchal expectations.
The Well of Loneliness (1928) by Radclyffe Hall (Jonathan Cape / Virago Modern Classics)
Our historic, ancestral mirror. While written in a different era, Hall’s classic narrative captures the enduring, raw human longing for authentic visibility, survival, and the fierce protection of chosen queer family.
The Only Way Through Is Out: A Memoir (2024) by Suzette Mullen (University of Wisconsin Press)
A beautifully vulnerable contemporary memoir tracking a woman who upended her conventional thirty-year marriage at age 55 to live authentically. Mullen provides an empowering, real-world blueprint for navigating the immense emotional friction of a midlife coming-out experience.
Switching Teams: What Coming Out Later in Life Taught Me About Love, Conquering Fear, and Accepting Change (2015) – Dawn Elizabeth Waters (Dog Ear Publishing)
A raw, firsthand biographical memoir detailing the author’s personal journey of coming out as a lesbian at age 39 after nearly two decades of heteronormative marriage. It serves as an intimate narrative map for navigating late-life relational choices and building a life of authentic self-reclamation.
Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity (2023) by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP) [1.1])
The definitive modern handbook for the Split Attraction Model (SAM). It offers liberating language for women decoupling their romantic attachment from physical libido, validating a homoromantic connection as a complete, beautiful identity on its own.
Reading List for Women in Midlife
The Living Autobiography Trilogy by Deborah Levy
Featuring ‘Things I Don’t Want to Know’ (2013), ‘The Cost of Living’ (2018), and ‘Real Estate’ (2021).
Levy’s masterful three-part memoir is the ultimate midlife text on dismantling the traditional household script. She brilliantly charts the cost—and the immense creative ecstasy—of rebuilding a life entirely on your own terms in your fifties.
Hagitude: Reimagining the Second Half of Life (2022) by Sharon Blackie
A fierce, mythic guide to reclaiming female power, eldership, and autonomy in midlife. Blackie completely reframes menopause away from patriarchal narratives of decay, transforming it into an era of liminal power and deep alchemy.
The Upgrade: How the Female Brain Gets Stronger and Better in Midlife (2022) by Louann Brizendine, M.D.
A clinical game-changer. Neuropsychiatrist Brizendine uses cutting-edge neuroscience to prove that the post-menopausal brain undergoes a profound biological upgrade, shifting away from people-pleasing hormones and toward fierce focus, clear boundaries, and autonomous clarity.
Sexy But Psycho: How the Patriarchy Uses Women’s Trauma Against Them (2022) by Dr Jessica Taylor
A revolutionary feminist dismantling of how modern psychiatry and society pathologize women’s trauma. Dr Taylor exposes how labels are weaponized to convince women they are mentally ill rather than acknowledging their natural reactions to systemic oppression and abuse.
Later-in-Life Neurodiversity & Menopause
Menopause and ADHD: How to navigate hormone flux and neurodivergence by Dr Helen Wall (Ebury Digital/Vermilion).
An essential guide by a leading UK GP exploring how the precipitous drop in estrogen during perimenopause and menopause unmasks underlying ADHD. This book provides validation and clear pathways for midlife executive dysfunction unmasking.
The Neurodivergent Guide to Midlife & Menopause (Jessica Kingsley Publishers).
A practical, intersectional handbook from JKP focusing explicitly on how late-diagnosed Autistic and ADHD individuals can navigate sensory shifts, burnout, and executive changes during the midlife transition.
Queerly Autistic in Midlife: Navigating Late Diagnosis, Intimacy, and Identity (Jessica Kingsley Publishers).
A deeply supportive JKP text mapping out the specific crossover between late-in-life neurodivergent realization and late-blooming queer awakenings, offering a vital framework for parallel communication styles and sensory-safe intimacy.
References from the book: Mid-Life Lesbian: The Coming out Companion
Ali, Shainna and Barden, Sejal, Considering the Cycle of Coming Out: Sexual Minority Identity Development In TPC (The Professional Counselor) Volume 5 – Issue 4, University of Central Florida, 2015
Allen, Ruth, Weathering, Ebury Press 2025
Alman, A. Gillespie, J. Kolmannskog ,V., Queering Gestalt Therapy Routledge 2023
Balsam, K.F., Molina, Y., Beadnell, B., Simoni, J., Walters, K. Measuring multiple minority stress: the LGBT People of Color Microaggressions Scale. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology. 2011
Cass, Vivienne, Homosexual identity formation: a theoretical model, J. Homosex. 1979 Spring;4(3):219-35. The Six Stages of Coming Out – Cass 1979
Clarkson, Petruska, Gestalt Counselling in Action SAGE Publications Ltd 2013
Codrington, Kate, Second Spring, HQ Books 2022
Crenshaw, Kimberle – University of Chicago Legal Form. Volume 1989. Issue 1. Article 8. Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics.
Criado-Perez, Caroline, Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men 2019
Davies, K. C., How To Keep House While Drowning Penguin 2022
Diamond, Lisa M, Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire 2009
Felson, R. B. (1985). Reflected appraisal and the development of the self. Social Psychology Quarterly, 48, 71-78.
Franks, D. D., Gecas V. (1992). Autonomy and conformity in Cooley’s self-theory: The looking-glass self and beyond. Symbolic Interaction, 15, 49-68.
Frost, D.M., Lehavot, K,, Meyer, I.H., Minority stress and physical health among sexual minority individuals. Journal of Behavioral Medicine. 2015
Gecas, V., Schwalbe, M. L. (1983). Beyond the looking-glass self: Social structure and efficacy-based self-esteem. Social Psychology Quarterly, 46, 77-88.
Gottman, J., Gottman, J. S., Abrams, D., & Abrams, R. C. (2019). Eight dates: Essential conversations for a lifetime of love. Workman Publishing.
Grace, Miriam, Queering Gestalt Therapy Eds. Alman, A. Gillespie, J. Kolmannskog ,V., Routledge 2023
Grace, Miriam, 50 Shades of Misogyny: Exposing the Cultural Top Dog and Introjected Relationship Norms, presented at The European Association of Gestalt Psychotherapists 2023
Grace, M., Zanzal A., Getting over your first lesbian relationship https://annemariezanzal.com/getting-over-your-first-lesbian-relationship/ 2020
Greenberg, Elinor, Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform 2016
Greer, Germaine, The Change: Women, Aging, and Menopause, Bloomsbury USA 2018
Haines, Steve, Really Strange Series
Hypher, Germaine, Crafting a Path Through Illness: Exploring creativity while chronically ill, Hammersmith Health Books 2025
Ichiyama, M. A. The reflected appraisal process in small-group interaction. Social Psychology Quarterly, 56, 87-99.1993
Johnson, Michaela, From Dead to Femme: A Qualitative Analysis of Lesbian Representation on Television, Michaela Johnson, Johns Hopkins University 2022 Pages 1&2
Johnson, Sue Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, Little Brown Spark 2013
Joseph, Stephen What Doesn’t Kill Us, Piatkus 2013
Karpman, Stephen, A Game Free Life. The definitive book on the Drama Triangle and Compassion Triangle by the originator and author. The new transactional analysis of intimacy, openness, and happiness. Drama Triangle Publications 2014
Kinsey, A.C., Pomeroy, W.B, Martin, C.E., Sexual Behavior in the Human Male W.B. Saunders Company 1948
Klein, Fritz, The Bisexual Option Haworth Press 1978
Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth, On Death and Dying, Macmillan & Company, 1977
Legal and General https://group.legalandgeneral.com/en/newsroom/press-releases/the-divorce-gap-women-see-their-household-income-cut-in-half-in-the-year-after-a-divorce 2025
Lev, Arlene Istar, The Complete Lesbian & Gay Parenting Guide, Penguin 2004
Levine, Amir and Heller, Rachel, Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love Bluebird 2019
Levy, Deborah The Cost of Living Penguin 2019, p16
Levy, Deborah Things I Don’t Want to Know Penguin 2018
Lewis, R.J., Derlega VJ, Griffin J.L., Krowinski A.C. Stressors for gay men and lesbians: Life stress, gay-related stress, stigma consciousness, and depressive symptoms. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. 2003
Maltz, W. & L. The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography by, William Morrow Paperbacks 2010Mann, Dave, Gestalt Therapy: The Basics Routledge 2024
Rosenberg, Marshall Non Violent Communication, a Language of Life PuddleDancer Press 2003
Mason, Dr Barry, Towards Positions of Safe Uncertainty, Human Systems: The Journal of Systemic Consultation &: Management. Vol. 4. 1993
McCartney, Jamie, The Great Wall of Vulva This is an art exhibition which tours globally https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/
Meyer, I.H., Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: Conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin. 2003
Oliver, Mary, Dreamwork, Atlantic Monthly Press 1987
Pizer, Isaac, An Integrative Approach to Healing Complex and Transgenerational Trauma: Psychotherapy and the Soul, Routledge 2025
Polster, Erving, Every Person’s Life is Worth a Novel, Gestalt Journal Press 1987
Proudman, Dr Charlotte, He Said, She Said: Truth, Trauma and the Struggle for Justice in Family Court W&N 2025
Quantock, Grace Living Well with Chronic Illness: Write your own roadmap to healing in tough times, Orion Spring 2024
Rogers Carl, On Becoming a Person, Robinson 1977
Rogers Carl, Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory Houghton Mifflin 1951
Selvam, Betsy, The Five Neurodivergent Love Locutions https://stimpunks.org/2022/01/22/the-five-neurodivergent-love-languages-2/
Schwartz, Pepper and Blumen, Phillip, American Couples: Money-Work-Sex Pocket Books 1985
Scott, Helen, Live Laugh Lesbian, Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2023
Ware, Bronnie, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing Hay House 2019.
Warner, L. R. (2007). Delegitimization and women’s perceived emotionality: “Don’t be so emotional!”. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering, 68(5-B), 3454.
Where We Are on TV: Report 2007-2008, GLAAD
Where We Are on TV: Report 2019, GLAAD
Whitnell, Dee Beyond Bananas and Condoms: The LGBTQIA+ Inclusive Sex Education You Never Got at School Jessica Kingsley 2025
Wilby, Rosie, Is Monogamy Dead? Accent Press Ltd 2013
Wilby, Rosie, Wilby The Breakup Monologues Green Tree 2021
Wilkinson Sophie, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/dec/18/lesbian-mothers-scandal-custody-cases-families
Woodward-Thomas, Katherine, Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After Harmony 2016
World Health Organisation WHO Commission on Social Connection: From Loneliness to Social Connection 2025.
Zinker, J., Creative Process in Gestalt Therapy. Brunner/Mazel, Zinker, J. (1977).
Featured Authors
Christina Fonthes – Literary Fiction
Biographical Overview:
Christina Fonthes is a brilliant Congolese-British writer, translator, and community organizer whose work explores identity, faith, migration, and intersections of queer Black womanhood. A vibrant voice in the UK independent literary scene, she actively bridges the gap between raw personal narrative and community healing. Having attended the Women of Steel Conference in 2025, she is a deeply valued part of our collaborative circle and a highly anticipated future guest on the podcast.
Featured Book Review:
Where You Go, I Will Go: the emotional and redemptive family saga.
A breathtakingly raw and expansive narrative that untangles the complex threads of ancestral loyalty, migration, and the fierce weight of family expectations. Fonthes masterfully charts the journeys of women caught between traditional scripts and the burning need for individual reclamation. It is an essential, emotionally resonant read for anyone mapping out their own midlife transitions, offering a powerful literary mirror to the heavy work of shifting transgenerational family trauma.
Rosie Wilby – Non Fiction
Biographical Overview:
Rosie Wilby is an award-winning comedian, author, and acclaimed podcaster who has appeared frequently on BBC Radio 4 programmes such as Woman’s Hour, Loose Ends, and Four Thought. Following her popular TEDx talk, she has established herself as one of the UK’s premier commentators on the complex psychology of modern dating, breakups, and unconventional relational configurations.
Core Relationship Books:
Is Monogamy Dead?: Rethinking relationships in the 21st century. A brilliant, funny, and scientifically grounded exploration of relationship design that challenges western heteronormative assumptions and looks at companionate partnerships.
The Breakup Monologues: The Unexpected Joy of Heartbreak. A comforting and insightful deep-dive into how relationship endings can be reframed as pivotal catalysts for profound personal growth and midlife self-reclamation.
Cari Hunter – Crime Fiction
Biographical Overview:
- Cari Hunter lives in the northwest of England with her wife, their cats, and a field full of sheep. Alongside her writing career, she works full-time as a paramedic in the north of England. She draws inspiration for her multi-award-winning, atmospheric crime fiction from long, windswept walks across her beloved Peak District. She is a celebrated voice in LGBTQ+ mystery writing, having won multiple Lambda Literary and Rainbow Awards.
Full Book List for Readers:
- Snowbound
- Desolation Point
- Tumbledown
- Alias
- Breathe
- Unbreakable
- No Good Reason (The Dark Peak Series, Book 1)
- Cold to the Touch (The Dark Peak Series, Book 2)
- A Quiet Death (The Dark Peak Series, Book 3)
- A Calculated Risk (A D.I. Jo Shaw Mystery, Book 1)
- The Stolen Girl (A D.I. Jo Shaw Mystery, Book 2) [1, 2, 3, 4]
Tell others which materials helped you
QUEER BOOKSHOP & EVENT SPACE (2 locations in London)
https://www.commonpress.co.uk
FILMS FOR LATER IN LIFE LESBIANS
The Two of Us by Filippo Meneghetti
What a Feeling by Katja Rohrer
BOOKS FOR LATER IN LIFE LESBIANS
Hidden Nature by Alys Fowler
The personal coming out story of the gardener whilst married.
Aimee and Jaguar by Erica Fisher (there is also a film)
Based on a true story, this book charts the fierce love between a Nazi wife and an undercover Jewish woman.
The Safekeep by Yael Van Der Wouden
The novel, set in 1961 Netherlands, tells the story of Isabel (Isa), a recluse, living alone and meticulously tending to the family home until the arrival of a guest, who stirs up unexpected and repressed emotions and not just that.
Thank you for calling the Lesbian Line by Elizabeth Lovatt
A little history of the Lesbian line and the support available to Lesbians in Britain before we all went online.
NEURODIVERSITY – ILLUSTRATED BOOK
A Delightful Human Difference
https://www.adelightfulhumandifference.com
A Delightful Human Difference is a new illustrated eBook by bestselling author Matthew Johnstone and psychologist Janelle Booker. Warm, evidence-informed, and genuinely reassuring, this book explores why the ADHD brain works the way it does, and why that’s not something to fix. The main character is a woman in midlife with a family.
Hi Andrea, these are great suggestions and will be incorporated into the page. I really want to read Thank You for calling the Lesbian Line after seeing it everywhere when I I was in London and visiting the museum Queer Britain. I also went to the floating bookshop!
In The Dream House is one of my absolute favourite books for capturing those troublesome break ups.
Thank you for beginning the film list.